So I’m dieting again. This comes after realizing that not only have I gained back the weight I lost last winter, I added about 8lbs to that, not to mention the fact that I lost all of the muscle tone that I had built. Almost none of my pants fit and the ones that do are uncomfortable. I am ashamed and disappointed.
I went to the gym at 5:30 this morning, like I did all last winter. I like going in the AM when all of the old people are there, instead of the intimidating body builder types. At least the girl at the front desk remembered me; I have only been there a handful of times since the middle of May.
What is it about the summertime that makes you discard your healthy eating and lifestyle habits? I was really doing well back then and proud of myself because I was sticking with it, and seeing results despite my Thyroid Condition . I felt great, and it was an all around amazing experience. Why then was it so easy to get lazy?
I always hesitate to discuss anything about my weight, dieting or working out because it’s easy to see when I’ve failed. I can’t just arbitrarily say “YES! I’ve lost this much weight!” because you can see the truth. If I commit, and don’t follow through (because let’s face it I’m lazy and extremely fickle) you will know. And you’ll think I’m a failure.
Today feels different though, although my body is alarmed and all like, “What do you mean an apple and sugar free yogurt for breakfast? Where the EFF is my buttered bagel????!!!?!?!!”, I feel good and inspired. At least I have vitamin water to get me through the day.
The non-commitist in me says “I might even go back tomorrow, you know, if I feel like it.”, but I think I probably will. Just don’t judge me if I don’t.
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8 comments:
Girl. Friend.
Do NOT be so hard on yourself. Or me! I won't judge you. God knows that dieting is harder than...well anything else I have ever done. Even childbirth is over in just a few hours compared to weeks and weeks of dieting.
What I tell myself is that splurging is ok. That if right now I fall off the wagon, that the next time I eat I can make better choices. My goals are literally ONE DAY on the diet. I feel so accomplished when I don't cheat for just one day. And I have made some decent progress. Got back into those pre-pregnancy jeans without a crowbar.
See, I look at pictures of myself from 3-5 years ago and think, My God. I was so pretty! But guess what? In 3-5 years I might look back at pictures of now and think the exact same thing. I just try to like myself for who I am today and know I am working on doing better. So, that is my advice.
I think it's good that you are taking it one day at a time. That means that when you have a bad day, you won't take it to mean that your health is ruined and you might as well not even try anymore. And it's less stressful.
I HEAR YOU. I just this morning realized that I was back up to the weight I was at before my big diet a year and a half ago. I lost a lot of weight, then got pregnant, and now here I am again! Arrrrg! All that work, all that suffering, all that deprivation--totally wasted.
My plan is to go buy a couple of outfits in my current size. I don't think there's much hope of losing weight anytime real soon, and I don't want to feel so shlumpy in the meantime.
Oh boy, I know what you mean. And I will not pass judgements. I desparately need to lose weight. I'm glad that you're willing to give it a try. That's better than I'm doing right now. I don't have many pants that fit right now, but I keep thinking I need to just lose the weight, then I'll have pants that can fit. Or at least then I'll feel better about buying something new.
Found your blog via NaBloPoMo. Glad I did.
OH Sara! I can sooooo relate. I could sit here and tell you not to condemn yourself etc. etc. but then anyone who knows me would say "follow your own advice!" The thing is, i KNOW I shouldn't condemn myself when I slip off the diet/exercise routine. I am really trying to lose weight, because i currently weigh MORE than I did when I was 1 1/2 months pregnant with Ben. But no more.
I had a great conversation on my last trip with two other Flight Attendants I was working with about weight loss. One was a male F/A who had lost 40 pounds since last April (he looked great!) the other was a woman who was slightly heavier than me, but the cool thing was - we all understood. We all had our weaknesses, and I listened intently to what worked and what didn't work for them. And then I realized that it didn't matter what worked for them - I had to just commit to something that worked for me. And be very patient with myself: HARD, as that is not one of my virtues.
This is all a VERY LOOONG way of saying I'm with ya. Feel free to email me any time you want. Because I understand. I do.
And also: yeah, what Misty said!
Weight and body image is such a mean thing. You can be the greatest mom and the best boss/employee/friend and, just because your pants don't fit anymore, you feel like crap.
I think the secret (if there is a secret) is to just do better today than you did yesterday and even better still tomorrow.
I don't think anyone here would judge you if you fall off or fail. Hang in there and feel free to talk about your difficulties, your challenges and your successes. Misery loves company, right?!
P.S. I tagged you for a meme if you're interested.
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