For the record

I think that it really sucks that the season finale of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip was also the series finale.

People need to start watching the good stuff so it doesn't get canceled.

Ok, well thanks to this:




And some retail therapy suggested by Swistle, my day ended up being much better yesterday. Any time I can spend $22.43 and get 2 shirts, 2 skirts and a bathing suit for Cait plus 3 muscle shirts for Eddie is a great day. That averages out to $2.49 per item!!!

Our fridge is being crazy though and it’s kind of making me crazy. I’m pretty sure that the problem is actually our freezer, which somehow has this solid wall of ice on the interior back wall, and while the previously frozen items are still frozen all of my fudgecicles were liquefied and my ground beef was spongy. So I spent an hour last night hauling food from upstairs to my basement freezer. I hope that Ed has a chance to look at it today. This all makes me very uncomfortable, having all of my eggs in one basket, or, er, having all of my meat in one freezer. I kept going downstairs last night to make sure that the freezer door wasn’t left open or something. I’m so paranoid that I’m going to lose all of my food. Very OCD, I know.

Today started out really crappy when I spilled my iced coffee all over me. It could have been worse though, could have been hot. Then I had some AWESOME chicken fingers for lunch…so it’s all good. Plus it’s Friday……

We are still very much looking forward to our picnic tomorrow. I’ll be sure to take tons of pictures.

Lick the Buffalo

Is it ever acceptable to drink at work? If it wasn't before, I think today might be the day.

Mojitos anyone???

If it weren't for Swistle, I don't think I would have made it past noon.


Except now I really want some cookie dough.


At least I can laugh about the customer who called me a scumbag piece of shit.


But I still really hate my job today.


I am actually really excited about going to this glacial park that's about 2 hours away on Saturday. We're packing a picnic and heading out early. It's supposed to be a really cool place, where you can climb on the rocks. There's a mile long trail through the glacial shelf (or something like that). Eddie is really excited and keeps asking me if we're going on our picnic today. Yesterday, after school, he said to me "I have a great idea about our picnic Mommy.."

"What is it?"

"Maybe we can have our picnic on the rocks instead of at a picnic table!!"

"That sounds like a great idea. We'll have to check it out!"

It amazes me that he is such a different kid than he was at this time last year. Last year, when we told him we were going to "The Taste of Buffalo", he looked at me confused and said "Will we eat the buffalo??" He thought about it for a long time after I told him that we wouldn't be eating buffalo. "Will we just lick them?", he asked.

And somehow, remembering that, my day just got better.

2 in 2

Cait bit her friend Brianna. Not once, but twice, first on Monday, and then again yesterday. I guess it was a sharing issue.

So I spoke with the director a bit yesterday and told her that I’m totally not playing the “not my kid…” card but this is not something that is ordinary for Caitlyn, so I’d like to understand the situation a little bit better. She has never bitten her brother, or anyone at home. She’s an aggressive child, yes-she will hit pinch or kick you in a minute, but she is not a biter. So did Brianna possibly do something to provoke her? Did she maybe yank a toy out of her hand? Nobody knew. They caught it just after it happened, when Brianna screamed. Brianna and Cait are the best of friends, so something must have gotten out of control---but nobody knows.

Maybe I’m missing something, but shouldn’t all eyes be on the two-year-olds? I’m just throwing it out there….

Ed and I don’t treat our kids like babies, and by this I mean that even in their 2 and 3-ness, we try and have rational discussions with them. So I talked with Cait on the way home about biting and how we tell a teacher if something is wrong, and how we have to use our words, rather than biting our friends. At the end I asked her “Why did you bite Brianna?” And she told me “Nana throw sand”.

I believe her.

And I’ll be having a conversation with her teacher when I pick her up this afternoon because while biting is severely unacceptable, throwing sand is also unacceptable. These girls need to be watched more carefully. When I pay $352 a week to send my kids to the best daycare around, I want answers. I want a detailed accounting of what occurred.

I don’t think it’s too much to ask.

Something that I struggle with in my work life is how to change a mindset; how to embrace change. How do I inspire my team to go in the new direction The Bank is taking? Why can’t they, like me, recognize the need for change and make valiant efforts to do so?

In thinking about it today, I started thinking about myself. Why can I do this at work—recognize the need for change and then just do it, because it needs to be done—but not in my personal life? I’ve read in lots of different places that it takes one month to form a new habit, or to break an old one. A month is a lot of time. How can I do something for a month when I can’t even make it through a day?

Maybe I’m trying to do too much. This month alone I’ve gotten my house in shape, thrown things out, organized, kept up on being tidy. I’ve dusted and scrubbed my floors; I’ve even cleaned my windows. I’ve also started getting my butt out of bed earlier so that I can get to work by 8:00--giving me a full extra hour with the kids in the evening. This is a huge life change, and it’s been two great weeks. I feel proud and accomplished.

Somehow though, I want more, and I don’t think I have the strength to get there.

This is about so much more than the housework.

This is about me.

I need to change me.

July is a new month……and hopefully a new start for me.

And the week ends on a happy note....

I bought a case of Vanilla Coke at Wegman's today.

Oh happy day!

GAAAH. That’s the only word coming to mind right now.

So much I want to say……like the people at work are really pissing me off. And I wanted to say something about how I’ve been blogging for 7 years now, and I thought that I might copy my very first post here, but when I read it……I was an idiot when I was 22. I’m surprised people read what I wrote then; there’s no way they’d want to read it now. And about how after a day long sob fest about how he doesn’t want to go see Robosaurus anymore—we already bought the tickets, Eddie revealed that it was because of the commercial during the super bowl where Robosaurus’ head fell off and also, he eats cars, and might Robosaurus eat his race car bed??? And I don’t know, the fact that I might like to have another baby which is the most insane thing that could ever pop in to my head…hello I have a 2 year old and a 3 year old- but it is all I can think about right now. Plus the fact that I need to get to Old Navy to buy 4th of July shirts before they’re sold out, and somehow I volunteered to work the Saturday of Labor Day weekend which kind of screws my 3-day weekend.

There’s just too much going on, so I offer you this small snapshot of my brain, confusing and mangled, making no sense at all, tired and over processing. No doubt the result of a stressful week.

I’m hoping that tonight, after the kids go to bed, I’ll have some time to sort out my thoughts. Based on the fact that Eddie refuses to go to bed, I’m not holding my breath.

Cay-eeeeer

So they guy that’s doing my training totally reminds me of my 3-year-old. Anytime he asks a question, he ends it with “yes or no”, which is exactly what Eddie is in to right now.

“Mommy, do you love me? Yes or no?”

He likes it when I say no, and then he pouts. “That’s not very nice…”

I actually wanted to write about Caitlyn today, who has made leaps and bounds in her verbal skills over the last few weeks. She went from 2 word statements to 3 and four word sentences and stringing thoughts together in what seems like overnight. You can actually carry on a conversation with her and it’s quite hysterical. This of course is a vehicle for her to express her very opinionated self, and while indeed funny, can be quite frustrating.

Over the weekend when I was cleaning my bedroom closet, I pulled out the fish tank we bought and put it in the living room. At one point, Ed caught her trying to climb up on the box. Panicking, because the tank is made of glass, he yelled “HEY!!” and she just lost it. She ran to me crying.

“Mommy…..daddy hollered at me….” (hollered sounds like hah-yerd and is adorable) then she looks at Ed. “No Holler ME DADDY!!!!” this, of course is shrieked.

The she told me yesterday “Daddy hollered at me; he cay-eeer me” I couldn’t figure it out. ”He carried you?”

“No Mommy. Daddy CAY-EEER me. Daddy holler?”

“Daddy what????”

“CAY-EEEERR MOMMY!!!!!”

“he scared you??”

I swear that if she knew how to roll her eyes she would have here. “Yeah Mommy.” She toddled away laughing hysterically and talking to her self. “Daddy scared me, daddy hollered at me”

She is tough in her almost two-ness.

And I’m sure there is more to come.

Sleeeeepy

I know I say this a lot, but I am just so darn tired.

We spent Father’s Day weekend putting a new floor in to our kitchen (well Ed did the floor and I cleaned out our whole bedroom and closet….I threw everything out because I’m sick of dealing with it). This was not planned at all, completely spur of the moment. Since then I’ve been hell bent on keeping the kitchen clean and uncluttered. I spent last night doing the dishes that wouldn’t fit in the dishwasher on Sunday as well as yesterday’s dishes, trying really hard not to shoot my father-in-law the evil eye for not helping. (Like what is wrong with you anyway, so what if you have pneumonia and are on OXYGEN….you could still do the dishes…..really, he can’t. He can barely go up and down his stairs. So I held in my selfish side, and sucked it up and did it. ) At least we had a ton of left over pulled pork from Sunday for dinner, so I didn’t cook. (It was even better on day 2)

I used to send the kids’ dinner to school with them since we don’t get home until 6:15 on most days, but it’s gotten to the point where they want to play and they’re not eating it, so I’m wasting food, so I decided to start feeding them at home. It’s working out well so far, but I felt like I was in a rush all last night. They had to eat, wanted to play in the sprinkler (woohoo no baths….), wanted to watch Dora and have a snack (I made home made chocolate chip cookies), and needed to go to bed. Plus I had to clean up the kitchen as well as the living room because Ed is supposed to clean our carpets today, and then I wanted to get everything ready last night for this morning so I could be to work for this crazy 4 day training that goes from 8 to fricken 5 every day….(I got to work at 7:38 this morning, a full hour and a half earlier than I normally get here….yeah the kids loved that). Of course Eddie wouldn’t go to sleep last night, and then both kids were up at 5:45 am (Cait was also up at 1:00 AM). At least I set the coffee pot so I could dump coffee down my throat as soon as I woke up.

So yeah, I’m tired. And I’m hoping it will rain so that I don’t have to take the kids outside tonight, and hoping that the carpets are actually done when I get home. And that nobody has used any dishes.





And that the kids will sleep tonight.

Ugh. Cait was up throwing up again last night. I can’t put my finger on what could be causing it, because it happened last year around this time too, where she was fine, and then was up in the middle of the night throwing up once or twice a week for like 3 weeks in a row. I’ve decided that it’s either the heat; maybe it doesn’t agree with her, or it’s the teething—she’s getting molars. Or perhaps it’s a combo of both. Whatever it is, I do know that cleaning broccoli chunks off of my floor in the middle of the night is sure not fun(hey, at least she eats broccoli). She is getting quite good at leaning over the toilet though. She even stops when she’s not sick and spits in there….

During all of this Eddie slept just fine, but once Cait and I settled in on the couch, he was up crying, telling me he needed his kitty.

“What kitty?”, I asked.

“Sebastian.” He’s sobbing

“What do you mean honey?”

“Sebastian is in the street”, he cried, “He’s going to get runned over.”




This may have been his first bad dream. When I showed him that Sebastian was lying right on the living room floor, he was very confused. He kept asking me “but why??”. Even this morning he was asking about him being outside in the street.

Caitlyn was fine this morning, thank goodness. We’ll have to see how tonight goes.

My FIL has been in the hospital with pneumonia since Tuesday. It crept up on him all of the sudden and out of nowhere he couldn’t breathe. Ed stopped home on Tuesday and found him slumped in his chair, pale and clammy and had to rush him to the ER. At first they thought it was heart failure, but after the tests, they determined it was pneumonia. He should be home tomorrow, but it’s going to take him a while to get better.

And finally….the wedding was Saturday and it was a wonderful day. Beautiful weather and everyone had a great time. Here are a few pictures.



Matt and Sarah


Me


Ed and Me

100 Facts About ME

1. I met my husband on the school bus when I was in 7th grade.
2. I hated his guts.
3. I complained to him about my boyfriend who was a jerk for most of my sophomore year in high school.
4. He and I began dating that summer.
5. Even though we were very young, we kind of knew we were it for each other.
6. This August will mark 12 years of togetherness for us.
7. I have loved to sing for my entire life.
8. I consider myself to be quite good.
9. It kills me that I’m not doing anything musical right now.
10. I pretended to wear glasses in 7th grade and bought a fake pair at Claire’s
11. Until Lenny Carpenter tripped me and stomped on them because he thought it was funny.
12. My 7th grade boyfriend told me he loved me in front of my father.
13. It was maybe the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to me.
14. Until while in the mall one day my dad told Bobby Stutz that while we looked a lot alike, my moustache was thicker.
15. I have had the same best friend since I was 11 years old.
16. I consider her my sister.
17. I don’t actually have a sister.
18. But I always wanted one.
19. I have 2 great brothers.
20. As families go, mine actually gets along very well.
21. I always knew that I wanted to have children.
22. My kids are by far the greatest people in the world.
23. It never occurred to me that it would be a challenge to be a mom.
24. It’s the good kind of challenge though.
25. I don’t think before I speak.
26. I have a tendency to get in trouble.
27. I have a very dry sense of humor.
28. This is the very best gift my father could have given me.
29. I get told all the time that I am just like my father.
30. This for the most part is a compliment.
31. I wish that I wasn’t so passive though.
32. My brother Matt and I can have an entire conversation quoting obscure TV and Movie lines.
33. And it makes total sense
34. And never gets old.
35. I am a hardcore coffee drinker.
36. And I would fight you for a Donut
37. ----or anything sweet for that matter.
38. I am very passionate about cake
39. I have no idea how to apply make up
40. or do anything with my hair
41. I can’t paint my fingernails.
42. I love to bowl.
43. I’m decent at it.
44. I was the first of any of my girlfriends to have a baby.
45. I was also the second of any of my girlfriends to have a baby.
46. I craved and consumed Twinkies and root beer for my entire first pregnancy.
47. I’m convinced that this is what makes Eddie a sweet-a-holic.
48. I ate fruits and veggies my entire second pregnancy.
49. I also consumed a lot of caffeine.
50. I’m convinced this is why Caitlyn loves fruits and veggies, and has a spastic tendency.
51. I had mixed feelings about going back to work after I had kids.
52. I know now that I don’t have it in me to be a stay at home mom.
53. I’m actually kind of important at work.
54. I spend too much time on the computer.
55. I am addicted to MySpace.
56. My favorite color is pink.
57. But it was green before I had a little girl to enjoy it with.
58. I love playing at the park with my kids.
59. I go down all of the slides.
60. I get paranoid about weird crap all the time.
61. Like- did I forget to drop one of the kids off at school today?
62. Or what if a bat squeezes in that teeny tiny hole in my screen and gives me rabies.
63. Or what if I already have rabies and don’t know it.
64. I could be a ticking time bomb.
65. My desk at work is covered with pictures of my kids as well as their artwork.
66. I can often be found staring at them and smiling.
67. I had a really hard time bonding with Caitlyn after she was born because she was in the NICU away from me.
68. I wouldn’t even get up to go feed her while we were in the hospital.
69. I spent 3 days alone with her in the hospital when she was one month old because they thought she had meningitis.
70. As much as it sucked, we finally got our time together.
71. I believe that God works in mysterious ways.
72. I worry about Caitlyn a lot more than I do about Eddie.
73. But I definitely favor Eddie when it comes to mommy time.
74. I favor both of my children over my husband.
75. This is something that causes conflict in my marriage.
76. I have a bit of a shoe problem.
77. I love to get pedicures.
78. I have a lot of grey hair.
79. This surprises me because neither of my parents went grey this early on.
80. I LOATHE it.
81. I have a really hard time keeping my house clean.
82. I have hated housework my entire life.
83. I would rather scrub a strange toilet with no gloves then fold laundry.
84. Especially socks and underwear.
85. I can’t sleep with socks on, even in the dead of winter.
86. I love going barefoot in the summer.
87. I tell everyone that my cats are “my first born”
88. I know this seems weird and I don’t really care.
89. I love Howard Stern and his show.
90. Guys I meet think this is really cool.
91. Girls think I’m weird.
92. Even as a child I got along better with guys than I did with girls.
93. I’m not thrilled about turning 29 in October.
94. I’m even less thrilled about being 30 next year.
95. But I can’t wait to PARTY.
96. It’s taken me 2 hours to do this list.
97. And yes, I’m at work.
98. If I ever had another daughter, I’d love to call her Olivia.
99. Because of my last name though, this would make me a cruel parent.
100. I have a hard time taking myself away from being Mommy and doing something just for me.

A Roller Coaster Ride

This is how it always starts for me.

I’m exhausted and more than a little bit irritable. Don’t even look at me the wrong way or I’m going to jump down your throat. I’m achy. I do erratic things like convince myself that I absolutely need a new bra for my brother’s wedding and what I have will just not do. I spend an entire lunch hour plus 15 minutes trying on no less than 75 bras and do not buy anything, convinced that all undergarments are made for people who did not breast feed 2 children, and is it too much to ask to have some attractive cleavage in this very revealing dress rather than 2 smashed pancakes? I eat something extremely crazy for dinner, like 3 handfuls of garlic pumpernickel croutons and 2 English muffins with butter and jelly. I massacre one of the English muffins and put it back in the bag for someone else to eat. I dream overnight that I’m holding a pregnancy test with 2 lines on it, but how are there 2 lines when I’m just holding it and never peed on it? I nearly throw up in the morning when FIL empties a container of macaroni salad with tuna in to the garbage and the entire house (as far as I’m concerned anyway) smells like rotten fish. I gag uncontrollably and rush the kids out the door telling them that if I don’t get out of the house now I’ll puke. This is all very dramatic, punctuated with over the top gagging gestures.

I’ve calmed down now, and no, I’m not pregnant. This is PMS for me. Exciting, huh? And for whatever reason, and even though I know, every single month I wonder “could I be pregnant?”. Would I even want to be pregnant if I were? Then another bought of freaking out ensues and I’m a lunatic again.

....and I have such a craving for chicken wings right now

This will all resolve itself this weekend with the arrival of AF early next week. It always does.

But isn’t the rollercoaster a fun ride?

Love

I love summer. I love everything about it. The heat, even the mugginess (OK, maybe not the bugs). I just love the warm weather. Even the smells, especially the way the kids smell with their hair warm from the sun, and their sunscreen melting off of them....

I sat with Caitlyn for a while last Monday, at our Memorial Day picnic, gliding on the squeaky yellow bench swing, just breathing in her warm sunscreeny smell. I could have sat there for hours. The kids are sleeping downstairs now, and their room is warm. I can still smell the pool water on them mingled with their sunscreen and it's just heavenly.




It's close to 90 degrees today as it was yesterday and is very humid. There were supposed to be thunderstorms all weekend, but it has been completely dry.




The kids woke up around 8:30 this morning and I treated them to Tim Horton's for breakfast. it was a special treat because we went inside and ate rather than going through the drive through. It didn't go so well....Caitlyn threw her plate on the floor in a fit of rage and it shattered in to a million pieces. Everyone in the restaurant was staring at us. It was horrendous. From there we went to the grocery store and I ended up having everything I needed accomplished done before 10:30. We came home and filled the pool and spent a while in the yard before lunch and naps, and that leads me to now. I thought it was going to rain so I told Eddie we could go rent a movie after nap, and now it doesn't seem like it will rain at all.

Saturday

So, it’s Saturday and I’m working. We just started being open on Saturday’s and the managers rotate, so I end up working like every 8 weeks, but it’s a beautiful day today! I think I’d be stuck inside at home anyway because I was up all night with Caitlyn who was puking her guts out and had a 103.5 temp. Fun times! She was down to 99 when I left this morning, but now she’s back up at 104. Ed is giving her popsicles to try and hydrate her and she just had more Motrin. My poor poor baby.

The kids have had a great couple of days swimming in their new pool out back, which is complete with a whale shaped slide. The only thing is that they don’t like having the hose on to keep it wet, so we have to dump buckets of water down the slide so that it works. Matt came over last night to pick up his toothbrush and played with the kids for a while. Caitlyn, who normally despises him, was all over him laughing and giggling. I think she made his night. He also played shuffleboard with Eddie in the basement after Ed left, which made Eddie’s night.

And one week from today Matt will be married. I can’t believe it. It’s all very exciting.

I don’t think we have any plans tomorrow so I’ll be catching up on housework and whatnot. I think it’s supposed to thunder anyway.

I’m hoping that next week leads to some more profound entries, but right now I am just too tired to think. I’ll end with a picture I just found from Eddie’s b-day party in January, which totally captures his mischievous essence.